just wanted to say you’re beautiful in every way. I really hope one day, the stars will align and our paths will cross… but til that day comes i will continue on my journey. The journey that has led me to see the world, as it is, and as it can be.
its because of you, that i want to be better. its because of you, that i want to change the world to be a better place.
it’s because of you, i know i’m worth something. its because of your love that i am who i am today.
Its because of you, that i’ve learned the finer things of life and love. its because of you, that i’m able to be me…
so thank you…
simply me… simply vintage.
only if i could find a way to be honest to myself about how i feel about you. tormented because my heart and brain are in an endless battle to find the right “answer”
simply wondering what they hell am i doing to myself… simply trying to forget you… but simply can’t…
simply put. being simply vintage, is simply the best.
gotta just keep moving. keeping up my ginga. there’s no way to misstep if you keep your feet moving.
finally, i’m able to say i have the burden lifted off my shoulder. the ability to speak my mind really makes a difference. Its liberating to be able to say something without fear of being ridiculed or offending someone. takes a lot of effort to be there though…
just feeling refreshed. finally…
the worst part is that you’ll prob never read this. and even if you do, you won’t say anything. you won’t do anything.
you’ll just move on and forget about it… and me…
"out of sight, out of mind" for you, but not for me.
it constantly happens, the action of being overlooked. not by someone who I means nothing to me. but by the person who’s supposed to mean the world to me.
Have you ever had a conversation, only to never be heard. You know how terrible being over looked could make anyone feel? well i’ll tell you it doesn’t feel good. It’s like i have something important to say, but you choose to not listen. Maybe because it doesn’t fit into the flow of your conversation. Maybe it doesn’t matter to you… but it matters to me.
I want to have a conversation with you, not a monologue. Not a situation where we’re fighting for each other’s attention… You already have mine. and always have…. i just want a little bit of yours.
"Never equal, but always fair"
This phrase may seem like a simple proverb or some sort of “feel good” quote that’s meant to “inspire the uninspired.” However, truth be told it is a window into the darkness of the truth of what my life has become. Sure i’m still able to smile, and play “nice” but truth be told…. I don’t care anymore.
This quote was created to define my life today… never equal symbolizes the portion of our lives that we bitch and whine about. The part of our lives that we’re never happy with. For me, that part of my life is home (family - whatever you want to call it). Constantly, I have searched and searched for a home to call my own. Someplace I can be and feel wanted.
The always fair part symbolizes that no matter how hard we try to achieve our goals, it’ll never happen unless we make sacrifices. Sacrifices that force us to cringe and claw and bite all the way down. But in the end, it’s a decision that needs to be made. An action that needs to be taken. May not be what you want to do, but its because its “fair”.
This is something that I learned since picking up Capoeira. The fluidity and beauty of the art, comes with a price. No one can pick it up naturally, it takes hard work and dedication. The never equal part refers to the part of our bodies that we have to re-train in order to obtain the skills needed to play Capoeira. Everyone has to go through a different training process, for example different life experiences.
We are not created equal, so why would we assume we have to go through equal experiences to learn the basic life lessons needed to become a functional part of an adult society.
However, if you put the time and more importantly the effort into training things become fair. The fluid actions of ginga teach that you just need to keep moving. Some days are bad days. Some years are bad years. But if you keep working and keep moving eventually your time will come. That second when your partner slips and see that opening. So you take it. You pull off that move you’ve been experimenting with for weeks. That trick move that puts everyone on the feet cheering with a move they’ve never seen or even attempted.
Without this realization I would have been in a dark place. A place of ignorance and intolerance. For others, and for myself.
Sometimes its the simple words that hurt the most.
why is it so hard for me to trust… without trust you can’t have happiness… damn… i wish there were people who actually understood me.